Internal Structure: Part 2 – The Body

In high school biology class I developed a dis-integrated, system-isolated view of my body as being an upright skeleton upon which were added muscles, blood vessels, nerves, and organs all wrapped in skin. I viewed my body as a collection of parts.

In college, my view of my body changed to a confused amalgam consisting of:

• The holistic triangle Body (Physical), Mind (Emotional/Psychological) and Spirit
• The body as energy via the Shakras or Qi-gong energy centers
• The Chinese Organs-Elements-Meridians system
  

However, none of these views contributed to my developing a kinesthetic feeling sensibility of my own corporeal reality, of life in and under my own skin which I am now discovering is critical to developing whole-body or internal strength.

When I started Wujifa classes, I learned about Wilhelm Reich’s (1897-1957) view of the body. (I quote others here as my understanding of Reich's work is amateurish at best.) :

"Wilhelm Reich was a student of Freud's who believed that the body plays an important role in an individual's expression. Crucial to his understanding of psychology is the concept of Armoring which is basically the physical component of repression as understood by Freud." (Read the entire article)

" "Body Language" -- the term is now commonplace. It wasn't always that way. With Freud and psychoanalysis everything was the mind. Reich was the first to bring the body into psychoanalysis, and to physically touch the client.

An armored person does not feel their armor as such. Reich believed that mind-body work is necessary for people to rid themselves of this armor.

BODY ARMOR AND CHARACTER ARMOR are essentially the same. Their function is trying to protect yourself against the pain of not expressing things that society says you may not express. Muscular armor is character armor expressed in body, muscular rigidity.

Armoring is the sum total of the muscular attitudes which a person develops as a defense against the breakthrough of emotions, especially anxiety, rage, sexual excitation. Character armor is the sum total of all the years of the muscular attitude that have also been incorporated in the person's character." (Read the entire article)

In addition to emotional or character induced muscular holding, fascial adhesions may develop from repetitive motion, physical habits and/or physical injury. Gil Hedley's "Fuzz Speech" uses a human cadaver to show fascial adhesions.






Esther Gokhale’s 53 minute Authors@Google presentation brings up a couple interesting points for me about structure.

1. Body structures vary between cultures and through history (time 14:10 – 20:40)
2. Comparison of human spines from 1911 and today (time 30:40 – 33:40)



So how do I see all this relating to my Wujifa Zhan Zhuang practice?

Esther’s presentation tells me that my core body structure is a living, malleable structure. Over time, my skeletal structure can change.

Gil’s presentation gives me a look inside my body. Now I know what fascial adhesions are.

Victor Daniel’s article on Reich’s work points to the unity of “me” and “my body”.

This Me-Body, this "I" is what shows up at class and practice. Some parts move freely. Some muscles are rigid. Some muscle bands are stuck to others. Some adjustments feel great. Some adjustments scare the hell out of me. The me-body work is my internal gong-fu.

Feeling the Sides Drop

Sometime over the last couple weeks, while standing, I felt my "sides drop". Anatomically this could mean I felt my Obliques let go, stop holding, relax. I wasn't thinking about or imagining or visualizing doing this. It just happened! The result was a feeling of lengthening on both sides.

In a recent Wujifa class, while doing the secret leaf-raking training (well, ok, practicing side to side using the slight resistance of the rake to help me notice the feeling of connection), I received external validation of when I was holding or lengthening the sides. Nice!

What's interesting to me is that along with this side-drop feeling came the feeling of weight sliding down my quads and into and slightly through the knee which feels like the knees sliding forward.

I remember, maybe a year or more ago, observing (data) that the knees sliding forward is more about intention than actual physical sliding forward. Now, I feel the knees "sliding forward" and the feeling is completely different from what I "achieved" using imagination/intention.

One of the corrections I routinely received in class was to "drop" the elbows. As with the knees, I previously noted (data) that "drop the elbows" is about the imagined/visualized/intention of the elbows hanging. However, I never experienced a real kinesthetic feeling of the elbows dropping, that is, until now. This elbow-dropping-feeling just "naturally" showed up one day.

What is most exciting for me is that I can now distinguish two feelings: holding and relaxing.
Holding elbows up or dropping elbows.
Holding sides up or dropping sides.
Pulling knees back and up into the thigh or sliding down and forward.

I also notice that these component feelings suggest or point to a single whole body feeling, however, I'm not able to get my mind around the whole as easy as the components at this time.

So after a long period where "nothing" (that I could notice) was happening, then BOOM! a perceived "big jump".

I was reminded that plateaus are gestation periods where new neural pathways are being formed. Practicing and not noticing subtle shifts and growths is like planting a seed and watering and watering and watering, not seeing any growth, trusting that there is growth until one day, BOOM! noticing a sprout!

During the plateau time, I wasn't able to notice the level at which changes were occurring. What I notice surely points to the level of my noticing ability which too, is wonderful to notice!!

Internal Structure: Part 1 - Rolfing Notes

This series will focus on the structural aspect of my zhan zhuang practice in the Wujifa system.

I offer my notes to date that I record after each Rolfing massage therapy session.

First ten Rolfing sessions: January to April 2004

1. Notice my shoulders lying down.

2. Notice soreness in legs – must be using “new” muscles.

3. Notice breathing seems fuller. While lying on back, notice pelvis gently rocking with breath.

4. Notice I can feel more of the floor; feet squish out more. How could I have been grounded when the tension in my foot kept me “off” the floor? Now I feel grounded. No imagining.

5. Feel that I can inhale more than before; breathing is unrestricted. Felt the softness of the abdomen for the first time, felt the support of the spine, felt vacuity between ribs and pelvis. Feel a lack of underlying anxiety. Feel taller.

6. Notice pelvic area feels like a big “dead zone”; no feeling. Notice an increased sense of feeling throughout my body. A feeling of connectedness?

7. I did some crying during today’s session. Don’t know why. It just came out. Felt calmer after session.

8. Notice a feeling of leaning back. Therapist said in fact I was standing straight up and not leaning forward. Reset my internal gyroscope.

9. More crying during session. After this session while walking around in public, for the first time I’m seeing peoples’ structures; how people carry themselves, especially where they’re holding. I see people whose bottom and top halves don’t look connected. Am I imagining seeing this? Seeing people this way is a bit overwhelming.

10. Feel really energized. Felt a big release in neck and shoulder. Discovered more tightness in shoulder.


First set of three follow-up Rolfing sessions: February 2005

1. No notes about feeling. Rather some Q&A data from therapist and me.

2. I invited the therapist to not back away from my pain vocalizations. A very uncomfortable session yet I now feel taller, broader, fuller, lifted, grounded and smiling. I feel new.

3. Lot of pelvis work. Feel very vulnerable, tender and painful, so much so that I pull away. Still a good session. Feeling a new way to stand and walk. Fascinating!

Second set of three follow-up Rolfing sessions: May 2006

1. Request to focus on working right knee problem. Notice lots of “dead zones” around ankles and knees, probably scar tissue from high school basketball injuries.

2. No notes about feeling. Rather some Q&A data from therapist and me.

3. I showed how I try to open the lower back to allow the femur heads to roll forward (close the kua). Session focused on releasing fascial adhesions in thighs. After these sessions, notice my zhan zhuang stance feels completely different, much more inviting, easy, fuller.


Third set of three follow-up Rolfing sessions: May- June 2008

1. Noticed a release up into neck while therapist working on ankles. Felt like a web of internal connection; “tugging” at ankles produced a tugging sensation in neck. Amazing! I can feel that!

2. Feel neck is very tight. We worked it hard. Sore afterward.

3. Invited therapist to not go lightly working pelvic area and lower back. Painful yet fruitful session. Feel top and bottom more fully connected.

Common notes:
During session, therapist will press a spot and ask “What do you feel here?” Nothing. He says he’s pressing hard and the muscle feels like wood. After he works a bit, I can feel where I couldn’t before.

He works one side first then the other. After working the first side, I notice this first side feels alive and connected whereas I don’t feel the same aliveness and connectedness on the not-yet-worked-on side. Feeling the side-to-side comparison in my own body is amazing!

When a Tree Grows: External ~ Internal

I planted a seedling in a field near my house.

The place where this tree grew had a steady breeze and sometimes a brisk wind.

The tree tends to lean a bit.

And then the old barn fell down changing the wind pattern.

As the tree grew, it encountered a low hanging limb from an old dead tree nearby. The young tree grew around that limb and developed a bit of a "hunch" about mid-way up the trunk.

Years later, that old, dead tree was cut down for firewood, leaving only the stump.

Many years later, after the barn and dead tree were gone, a tree guy looked at the now mature tree and analyzing the tree, said:

That lean looks like lean I've seen in other trees. There must have been a lot of shade here and the young tree was leaning toward the light.

That hunch looks like the hunch I've seen in other trees. Looks like something fell on it which someone later removed.

I enjoyed watching the tree grow, noticing... the process…

The tree guy approached the tree analytically, identifying data points, comparing…

When I started practicing Zhan Zhuang in the Wujifa system, I “naturally” compared this new system to systems I learned before: What’s the same? What’s different? What’s the data?

But I did not “naturally’ learn this way when I was young, when there was no previous experience to compare to. I either jumped in with curiosity and excitement or held back in fear.

After years of practicing, then I began learning.

I suppose I can compare external systems; systems based on a collection of forms and techniques like the tree guy did.

However, when I tried to compare my previous experiences in external, technique-based systems (including faux Tai-chi), with an internal feeling-based system, I learned that analysis leads to paralysis, not to progress.

I had to stop analyzing and start feeling kinesthetically. Then I had to stop analyzing "the feeling", because "the feeling" changes. Now, I may be ready to start learning the process.

Musings on Training and Competitions

This past weekend I had the opportunity to sit in the same room with a half dozen guys recounting their martial arts training. Frankly, I was impressed and even intimidated by the breadth and depth of martial arts training some of these guys had; black belts, sometimes in more than one style, competitions, and trophies.

However, when I considered what brought us all to this room, despite all our collective years of experience and belts and trophies (or lack of), none of us through our past training were taught or learned whole-body strength, the internal connections, or groundpath known as internal strength. Suddenly, I didn't feel so intimidated anymore. We all recognized a gap in our training and came together to learn to close that gap, to develop internal connection, to develop whole-body strength.

Later, I wondered about the state of "internal" martial arts training and competition these days, eg., taiji, bagua, xing-yi, aikido, wushu, push-hands. Are competition judges required to demonstrate a level of internal connection, of whole-body strength before becoming judges or not? Are competitors judged on the level of internal connection/whole-body strength they can demonstrate or not?

The "internal" arts are truly not that art unless performed with internal connection, with whole-body strength. If belts are awarded and trophies given for well executed forms and for competency in techniques (all performed without demonstrating internal connection/whole-body strength), doesn't this dilute the art, lower the bar, and mislead the practitioner?

As I learned, I thought I was doing Tai-ji Chuan but in fact, I was merely imitating Tai-ji Chuan by performing only the outward movements because my "Taiji" lacked internal connection/whole-body strength. I've also learned that those who develop internal connection/whole-body strength also develop an eye for seeing who has and doesn't have internal connection and to what level. A real teacher will not only tell you what you are doing wrong but will also guide you in how to develop your internal connectedness. We are all adorned with the Emperors New Clothes.

Silk Reeling; Feeling and Intention

At my last Wujifa class, after stance, I was doing the closing circles (Chen, Xiao-wang style) as I had been doing for the past several years, rather mechanically. Then somehow I stumbled into really feeling the sensuousness of making circles; feeling the intentional moving of each arm-hand, pulling across, pushing down, pulling across, pushing up... I was told that this looked more like silk reeling than the mechanical moving I was doing just a moment earlier.

This comment piqued my curiosity. How could I apply this new found feeling that looked more like silk reeling to the actual silk reeling exercise I learned at Chen, Xiao-wang seminars years ago? What's the relation between the closing circles and silk reeling?

Here's the mechanics of how I'm working the feeling I discovered in stance into the silk reeling form:
Both hands positioned for the stance closing circles; right hand on top of left hand. Both hands moving across the upper abdomen Left to Right, then down the right side, then across the lower abdomen Right to Left, then up the left side, as I shift side-to-side.

Then I'll continue the left hand circling on the abdomen while the right hand slowly draws away from the body making larger and larger circles until I'm doing what looks like a hybrid of the Yang, Jwing-ming Tai-chi circle and the Chen Xiao-wang silk reeling form. I notice that this "method" helps me notice and maintain the connection and timing and feeling between the (right) "silk-reeling hand" with both the (left) hand circling on the abdomen and with the shifting side-to-side; see the kua exercise.

As I play with this hybrid Yang Jwing-ming Tai-chi circle and Chen, Xiao-wang silk reeling form, I'm noticing the CXW 1,2,3,4 positions don't exist as points or corners but rather as a single circle upon which points 1,2,3,4 may be identified but through which the arm-hand passes smoothly.

I was discussing my recent play and came away with the following:

In response to my concern that I may be bastardizing the forms or not understanding the distinct purpose of each, I heard that the pattern or form is not as important as the intention-feeling-connection you are working on.

If you look at the points, then you will get stuck. But if you look in the direction that the points are pointing to, then you discover even more.... now. (Recall the finger pointing at the moon.)

Again, what is your purpose? To collect data? To collect techniques? Or is your purpose to experience and understand the underlying feeling-intention of the art?

You Are Where You Are and That's Where You Start

A lesson I am still learning is identifying where I am, what I am capable of, what I am ready for.

As I mentioned, in my early days I thought I was ready to jump in to the higher level stuff like learning forms, push-hands and sparring without having a grounding in the fundamentals. Even now, in my Zhan Zhuang practice, I tend to not content myself with noticing and discovering where my " here and now" is, but will ask conceptual questions which would not merit asking were my capabilities and understanding at that level. I still approach a feeling-based practice with thinking-based habits.

Here's an example.

I'm playing with the Gao Style Bagua Ban exercise as posted on http://wujifaliangong.blogspot.com/2009/07/gao-style-bagua.html and I'm curious about how Ban works the kua as compared to the side-to-side exercise http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dg0rr9Q5Juo

Ban is obviously much more 'active' with larger physical movements and I initially had a difficult time noticing the kua open and close. Then I played with the intention of closing the kua on the bent knee side and opening the kua on the stretched out leg side and I could feel the movement a little clearer and deeper.

And when I bring this intention back into side-to-side, I find I can notice a little bit more in the quieter movement of side-to-side. However, playing with too much intention causes me to force a feeling and a thought. I could also relax and feel the feeling already there.

So where I am kinesthetically is noticing and feeling the kua open and close. Yet, I asked a conceptual question like, "So does fa-jing work by developing a quick, forced, side-to-side muscular contraction?" and the answer I got was, "No, you relax quickly."

Relax quickly? How does this work? The monkey mind searched frantically for a match, for a hook, something, anything to make sense of this two-word koan. Relax quickly.

The conversation then turned back to where I am now. In relax, what do you notice? Do not try to notice something. You are not looking for anything. Rather, simply, relax and notice what is there. What you notice is where you are and this is where you start.