If you haven't read My Journey to Feeling: Part 1 you may want to start with that before continuing here.
* One purpose of training is to help you notice your patterns and to shake you out of those patterns. Alter the "dance step" in manageable, safe measures.
* There is a difference between feeling like there's no choice vs. taking ownership of the choice. Instead of begrudgingly doing what you have to do, choose to agree to do what you don't want to do. The latter starts to build in you the power of "I am choosing X". It's kind of twisted, but it alters the pattern. You often have a choice even when your rules say you don't. Change the dance step.
* Judgment stifles curiosity. Practice curiosity. Hmm... I wonder how that person will react when I respond differently? Change the dance step.
* Anticipating someone's response is a primal defensive maneuver to guard against feeling rejection.
* Approaching an interaction based on anticipating (fearing) someone's response results in emotionally projecting your fear feeling which the other person senses as "not safe" and responds as you anticipated.
* This is the emotion loop; if you avoid a topic that is brought up, you send a "not OK, not safe" emotional signal which is picked up. If you are afraid to state your position, you send a "not OK, not safe" emotional signal. If you state your position, you send an "OK, safe" emotional signal. Then the door is open for...
* To change the dance step, stop anticipating, stop judging. Clearly knowing and stating your intention projects a feeling of authentic certainty. Anticipation is based in history. Stay present.
* What was the study? People communicate 10% with literal content and 90% through expressing feeling? We are by nature very attuned to sub-cognitive feeling communication. We also tend to get cut-off from that level of life. The work is to get re-connected.
* Accepting you doesn't mean denying myself. Big difference!
* Remembering the homework assignment after an emotional event and after the habitual reaction passes is a good step. Don't judge this as a failure. The hardest part of this kind of training is simply remembering to implement changes to life-long habitual responses. If you stay cognizant, you'll gradually close the gap between the emotional event and remembering the homework until you can run the assignment (the new "reaction") in place of the habitual reaction.
* A baby-step can be a big first step because it "opens the door". It creates the opportunity for a change. Baby steps are really, really important!
* In my case, when I first stepped into the stream of life, I got knocked off my feet and retreated to the safety of the stream bank and since then have generally watched life go by. I have strong belief/emotional "levees" built in part through upbringing and in part through self-protection. However, those same "levees" holding back the stream are also walls holding me in. There is only a no-feeling or a feeling of numbness when I try to access certain emotional areas; What do you feel? I don't know, nothing really.
- Continue noticing my emotional reaction in a given situation. Take a breath. Readjust to a relax posture. Notice reaction.
- Approach "changing the dance" with a curiosity.
- Know what you want and state what you want.