Notes from my March 2014 Zhan Zhuang Training Journal. I train with The School of Cultivation and Practice which practices Wujifa zhan zhuang.
* When you resist a change is when the armors go up.
* The foundation of practice must be curiosity and willingness to explore what you discover. One of my stumbling blocks is declaring certain areas of my life "off limits" to curiosity and willingness to explore and experiment with change. When one part moves then all parts move. If one part is stuck, then all parts are stuck.
* One of my school brothers made this rather eloquent statement: There are no mechanics to the experience of connection. The methods set the stage to feel something.
* In the noticing of "it" feeling different, something else can show up that you couldn't possibly anticipate.
* Regarding trying to communicate various levels of feeling through writing, it would be better to get together and show and talk about feeling.
* A side-to-side training tip: when on one side, pause, settle, relax, let go, feel the burn then slowly shift to the other side and do the same on that side. One aspect of practicing side-to-side can be as if doing alternating single-leg stance with mindfulness of the transition. There are many lessons to be learned in this deceptively simple exercise!
* As you progress, the tendency is to proudly hold onto the level recently achieved; to assume you have "it". Continued growth is in noticing what your new level of feeling reveals in daily life experience and bringing that experience back into practice, and on and on and on...
* When I encounter an uncomfortable feeling, my tendency is to shut down to it. I would be more humane with myself if I explored whatever feeling I'm feeling, pleasant or painful and talked about it.
* I notice that when I feel relaxed, connected and expressing "me" around other people, in those times I feel overwhelmed and so my tendency is to pull back and squelch that amount of aliveness which then snowballs into a general dampered living of feeling.
Further reading:
Introductory article explaining this "Journal Notes" series: Zhan Zhuang Training Journal
Previous article in this series: Noticing vs Analyzing: Journal Notes #119
Next article in this series: - Stay Tuned... I'm still in the game...
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Noticing vs Analyzing: Journal Notes #119
Notes from my February 2014 Zhan Zhuang Training Journal. I train with The School of Cultivation and Practice which practices Wujifa zhan zhuang.
* A beginner coming in with no previous experience whatsoever will simply do what's told without the filters from previous experience. People who come with other or previous experience (and continue coming) typically find that that experience becomes a hurdle they must first overcome. Analysis that is driven from previous experience interferes with noticing what is here now.
* The method always feels contrived. Don't focus on the contrivedness. Notice the feeling that the method is designed to elicit. For example, with lower abdominal breathing, initially mechanically coordinate the muscles to understand how breathing works then later simply breathe.
* As I'm standing and breathing, my instructor grabs my back belt loop and tries to wiggle me but is unable to do so. I'm too rigid. I'm using too much muscle to simply stand. I'm focused on analyzing/thinking the movement.
* Practice this: Lie down and practice breathing. This isolates your attention to breathing by removing your focus on standing. After a while of this, then stand and breathe. Notice what's changed.
* Also do this exercise: Shake belly and butt cheeks without moving upper body / shoulders. When you can get these to flap around, you are closer to having a relaxed abdomen. (When I first tried this years ago, I couldn't do it. So yeah, it can take a while to loosen to this level!)
* Abdominal breathing is a method to unlock the abdominal area. Don't get stuck on this as being anything more.
* I noticed that my school brothers have different personalities and approaches to training. I find it fascinating correlating their progress (or lack thereof) with their personality. How personality influences one's approach to training is a topic to which I will dedicate a separate article.
* When both my instructor and I did the side-to-side exercise facing the mirror, I could see that his movement looked more, how can I say, "alive"? It's not that there was a difference in the quantitative, external aspect of our movement (we were both doing side-to-side) but there was a qualitative difference. His torso looked like there was more movement or flow or something going on whereas my torso looked stiff, dead, and locked in place.
* Compare Trevor's movement when the original side-to-side video was filmed to his latest Wujifa advertisement video. Notice how much he's improved in a relatively short period of time! This is a great video diary of how his training has evolved in three years!
* There's a difference between "noticing" and "analyzing". Noticing involves being with the moment and letting it pass. There's an aliveness, a connection here. Analysis is dead-like, cut off from that aliveness. There is a discernible difference between the two in the tone of voice, in the delivery, the emphatics behind or driving the spoken word. There is a difference in the luminosity of the eyes. The eyes sparkle with "Wow! Did you see that?!" The eyes dim with "The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two shorter sides." Play at being dramatic. Allow feeling to be expressed. Connect with the emotion more and more as a way to connect with more and more subtle kinesthetics.
* Thinking and analysis are indeed human functions but not the sole function. It's just one tool in the toolbox to be applied at the appropriate time and place. It is not something to use as a shield, to hide behind to avoid all the feelings of life. And yet there are people do this.
* Lots of people hunch (carry a burden). It is a mistake to "fix" this simply by forcing the student to stand up straight. Without first resolving the underlying cause of the hunch and opening and relaxing the front, the the two counter-tensions set up an isometric pattern which can be driven to deeper and more subtle levels as the student hides the hunch under layers of what looks like a correct structure. Thus, this kind of "corrected" pattern becomes more difficult to detect and resolve. The intricacies of the emotional-physical body are beyond the abilities of the casual teacher.
* When using push-hands as a training method, don't compete. If you win by using force, then you've lost an opportunity to learn where your connection is weak or broken. For me, because I'm tall, I use my height to my advantage to "win", and by "winning" I miss an opportunity to learn.
* Push-hands training is meant to help you notice your own structural tensegrity and connect with the tensegrital structure of the other person. Find connection to ground and maintain your own ground while feeling for a break in your partner's path/structure.
* "You're using too much muscle" is a short-hand saying or metaphor indicating that isolated muscular components and not whole-body fascial tensegrity is being employed.
* Regarding the stretch through the back, the tendency is to hunch or roll the shoulders slightly forward which creates a (faux) feeling of stretch through the upper back. And the tendency is to tuck which creates a (faux) feeling of stretch through the lower back. Both these tendencies can be corrected and yet the difficulty is to connect the two at their narrowest point.
Further reading:
Introductory article explaining this "Journal Notes" series: Zhan Zhuang Training Journal
Previous article in this series: The End of the Road: Journal Notes #118
Next article in this series: Be More Humane with Yourself: Journal Notes #120
* A beginner coming in with no previous experience whatsoever will simply do what's told without the filters from previous experience. People who come with other or previous experience (and continue coming) typically find that that experience becomes a hurdle they must first overcome. Analysis that is driven from previous experience interferes with noticing what is here now.
* The method always feels contrived. Don't focus on the contrivedness. Notice the feeling that the method is designed to elicit. For example, with lower abdominal breathing, initially mechanically coordinate the muscles to understand how breathing works then later simply breathe.
* As I'm standing and breathing, my instructor grabs my back belt loop and tries to wiggle me but is unable to do so. I'm too rigid. I'm using too much muscle to simply stand. I'm focused on analyzing/thinking the movement.
* Practice this: Lie down and practice breathing. This isolates your attention to breathing by removing your focus on standing. After a while of this, then stand and breathe. Notice what's changed.
* Also do this exercise: Shake belly and butt cheeks without moving upper body / shoulders. When you can get these to flap around, you are closer to having a relaxed abdomen. (When I first tried this years ago, I couldn't do it. So yeah, it can take a while to loosen to this level!)
* Abdominal breathing is a method to unlock the abdominal area. Don't get stuck on this as being anything more.
* I noticed that my school brothers have different personalities and approaches to training. I find it fascinating correlating their progress (or lack thereof) with their personality. How personality influences one's approach to training is a topic to which I will dedicate a separate article.
* When both my instructor and I did the side-to-side exercise facing the mirror, I could see that his movement looked more, how can I say, "alive"? It's not that there was a difference in the quantitative, external aspect of our movement (we were both doing side-to-side) but there was a qualitative difference. His torso looked like there was more movement or flow or something going on whereas my torso looked stiff, dead, and locked in place.
* Compare Trevor's movement when the original side-to-side video was filmed to his latest Wujifa advertisement video. Notice how much he's improved in a relatively short period of time! This is a great video diary of how his training has evolved in three years!
* There's a difference between "noticing" and "analyzing". Noticing involves being with the moment and letting it pass. There's an aliveness, a connection here. Analysis is dead-like, cut off from that aliveness. There is a discernible difference between the two in the tone of voice, in the delivery, the emphatics behind or driving the spoken word. There is a difference in the luminosity of the eyes. The eyes sparkle with "Wow! Did you see that?!" The eyes dim with "The square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two shorter sides." Play at being dramatic. Allow feeling to be expressed. Connect with the emotion more and more as a way to connect with more and more subtle kinesthetics.
* Thinking and analysis are indeed human functions but not the sole function. It's just one tool in the toolbox to be applied at the appropriate time and place. It is not something to use as a shield, to hide behind to avoid all the feelings of life. And yet there are people do this.
* Lots of people hunch (carry a burden). It is a mistake to "fix" this simply by forcing the student to stand up straight. Without first resolving the underlying cause of the hunch and opening and relaxing the front, the the two counter-tensions set up an isometric pattern which can be driven to deeper and more subtle levels as the student hides the hunch under layers of what looks like a correct structure. Thus, this kind of "corrected" pattern becomes more difficult to detect and resolve. The intricacies of the emotional-physical body are beyond the abilities of the casual teacher.
* When using push-hands as a training method, don't compete. If you win by using force, then you've lost an opportunity to learn where your connection is weak or broken. For me, because I'm tall, I use my height to my advantage to "win", and by "winning" I miss an opportunity to learn.
* Push-hands training is meant to help you notice your own structural tensegrity and connect with the tensegrital structure of the other person. Find connection to ground and maintain your own ground while feeling for a break in your partner's path/structure.
* "You're using too much muscle" is a short-hand saying or metaphor indicating that isolated muscular components and not whole-body fascial tensegrity is being employed.
* Regarding the stretch through the back, the tendency is to hunch or roll the shoulders slightly forward which creates a (faux) feeling of stretch through the upper back. And the tendency is to tuck which creates a (faux) feeling of stretch through the lower back. Both these tendencies can be corrected and yet the difficulty is to connect the two at their narrowest point.
Further reading:
Introductory article explaining this "Journal Notes" series: Zhan Zhuang Training Journal
Previous article in this series: The End of the Road: Journal Notes #118
Next article in this series: Be More Humane with Yourself: Journal Notes #120
Monday, March 10, 2014
Narcissism's Affect on Internal Gong-Fu Practice
When I was learning and practicing Tai-chi, Bagua and Xing-yi forms, I was unaware of the mental processes I applied to learning the fine motor coordination used in these forms, push-hands and sparring. As I got into the deeper aspects of internal gong-fu through Wujifa, I learned how processes that were functional in everyday life can become dysfunctional when applied to learning the deeper aspects of these kinesthetic arts. In this article, the Greek mythological figure of Narcissus provides a convenient frame to explore the question, "Is the approach I am applying to learning internal gong-fu congruent with the material to be learned?
Of the many variations and interpretations of the Narcissus story, the theme I will use here is that of falling in love with one's own image. Of the various psychological uses of this story, from the functional vain personality to the dysfunctional narcissistic personality disorder, I will simply consider how Narcissism shows up in my everyday, ordinary life and how this impacts my internal gong-fu practice.
To the extent that I consider my morals, values, attitudes, and behaviors to be part of my self-image, and to the extent that I adhere to and hold dear this self-image, this is the extent to which I have fallen in love with an image of my self making. Granted, this is not a typical or common understanding of narcissism but this interpretation provides a interesting frame. Consider the following....
If I was no longer in love with a particular aspect of my self-image, I might feel free to let it go. For example, I used to love the image of myself as being a "rock star". (OK. So this was a fantasy.) Eventually I fell out of love of that image and it is no longer part of my self-image.
If I wanted a self-image that I don't currently have, I might find a way to add to my image. For example, I want to be seen as the "Answer Man" in the office when it comes to database questions. So I attend training, study, and over time, develop a level of knowledge and experience where I can answer most questions. I now love the image of myself as being someone who is knowledgeable about databases.
These are just two examples from my everyday life which I hope can point you to examples in your own life. Which self-images are you in love with? Let's consider a third example more in line with internal martial arts.
After decades of reading, learning, training, and practicing Tai-chi Chuan, I love the image of myself as someone who has a lot of knowledge about the internal martial arts. But when I encountered a practice (Wujifa) which challenged this self-image, I found that I could not easily let go of this self-image. I was just too much in love with my Tai-chi self-image which thought and said things like, "Oh, I already know that. What you're saying sounds like..." I experienced a case of Narcissus interfering with and sometimes blocking Beginner's Mind.
While this example is significant and while it took me a long time to generally stop loving this self-image (there are still remnants), it is a rather superficial example and easy to identify. So let's go another level deeper and look at what happens when the underlying functioning of a self-image, which is generally functional in ordinary, everyday life, reveals itself to be dysfunctional when applied to practicing internal gong-fu.
In this next example, my self-image involves intellectually understanding a given desired or optimal state or condition and then either taking action to achieve the desired/optimal condition or taking action to resolve the problem that is inhibiting the desired/optimal condition. I applied this underlying function to and found it worked quite well in the following activities:
When this rather technical, mechanical, logical mental process is applied in these circumstances, it is mostly functional. I developed a strong love of my "Problem Solver" self-image. I never encountered a challenge to the validity of this self-image in any of these activities. The challenge was always in adapting the mental process to a new subject area.
But when I brought this self-image into internal gong-fu practice, the results I achieved were both complimentary to and limited by the function applied. Complimentary in the sense that I slowly came to recognize the desired/optimal outcome and the steps to achieve it. And limited in the sense that approaching a unique kinesthetic art with technical, mechanical, and logical problem-solving mental processes did not lead to the desired/optimal kinesthetic state or condition.
Despite repeatedly being shown how my everyday functional narcissism was dysfunctional in the arena of internal gong-fu, I was so deeply in love with my technical, mechanical, logical "Problem Solver" self-image that I could not let it go. I saw the practice of internal gong-fu as yet another area in which I could apply my "problem solver" function to achieve a level of mastery of the subject. Even though I could intellectually distinguish the fact that internal gong-fu is a distinct sort of kinesthetic art (as I've repeatedly written about in this blog), I could not fathom that a process that worked so well for me in many areas throughout my life, would not work here. I was stuck.
And so the lesson is... by becoming aware of your self-images that are generally functional in everyday life and by becoming aware of which of these self-images you "naturally" use in learning and practicing internal gong-fu, you may begin to identify how you are approaching your internal gong-fu practice. Knowing the self-image that you bring into practice, and more importantly, its underlying function, this insight may provide an understanding of the sort of results you are likely to achieve.
Is the approach you are applying to learning internal gong-fu congruent with the material to be learned?
Of the many variations and interpretations of the Narcissus story, the theme I will use here is that of falling in love with one's own image. Of the various psychological uses of this story, from the functional vain personality to the dysfunctional narcissistic personality disorder, I will simply consider how Narcissism shows up in my everyday, ordinary life and how this impacts my internal gong-fu practice.
To the extent that I consider my morals, values, attitudes, and behaviors to be part of my self-image, and to the extent that I adhere to and hold dear this self-image, this is the extent to which I have fallen in love with an image of my self making. Granted, this is not a typical or common understanding of narcissism but this interpretation provides a interesting frame. Consider the following....
If I was no longer in love with a particular aspect of my self-image, I might feel free to let it go. For example, I used to love the image of myself as being a "rock star". (OK. So this was a fantasy.) Eventually I fell out of love of that image and it is no longer part of my self-image.
If I wanted a self-image that I don't currently have, I might find a way to add to my image. For example, I want to be seen as the "Answer Man" in the office when it comes to database questions. So I attend training, study, and over time, develop a level of knowledge and experience where I can answer most questions. I now love the image of myself as being someone who is knowledgeable about databases.
These are just two examples from my everyday life which I hope can point you to examples in your own life. Which self-images are you in love with? Let's consider a third example more in line with internal martial arts.
After decades of reading, learning, training, and practicing Tai-chi Chuan, I love the image of myself as someone who has a lot of knowledge about the internal martial arts. But when I encountered a practice (Wujifa) which challenged this self-image, I found that I could not easily let go of this self-image. I was just too much in love with my Tai-chi self-image which thought and said things like, "Oh, I already know that. What you're saying sounds like..." I experienced a case of Narcissus interfering with and sometimes blocking Beginner's Mind.
While this example is significant and while it took me a long time to generally stop loving this self-image (there are still remnants), it is a rather superficial example and easy to identify. So let's go another level deeper and look at what happens when the underlying functioning of a self-image, which is generally functional in ordinary, everyday life, reveals itself to be dysfunctional when applied to practicing internal gong-fu.
In this next example, my self-image involves intellectually understanding a given desired or optimal state or condition and then either taking action to achieve the desired/optimal condition or taking action to resolve the problem that is inhibiting the desired/optimal condition. I applied this underlying function to and found it worked quite well in the following activities:
- Learning how to play a song on my guitar
- Maintaining and repairing my automobile
- Maintaining and repairing navigation radar equipment
- Writing college academic philosophy papers
- Learning Tai-chi, Bagua and Xing-yi forms
- Doing house/home maintenance and repair
- Learning small database system programming
When this rather technical, mechanical, logical mental process is applied in these circumstances, it is mostly functional. I developed a strong love of my "Problem Solver" self-image. I never encountered a challenge to the validity of this self-image in any of these activities. The challenge was always in adapting the mental process to a new subject area.
But when I brought this self-image into internal gong-fu practice, the results I achieved were both complimentary to and limited by the function applied. Complimentary in the sense that I slowly came to recognize the desired/optimal outcome and the steps to achieve it. And limited in the sense that approaching a unique kinesthetic art with technical, mechanical, and logical problem-solving mental processes did not lead to the desired/optimal kinesthetic state or condition.
Despite repeatedly being shown how my everyday functional narcissism was dysfunctional in the arena of internal gong-fu, I was so deeply in love with my technical, mechanical, logical "Problem Solver" self-image that I could not let it go. I saw the practice of internal gong-fu as yet another area in which I could apply my "problem solver" function to achieve a level of mastery of the subject. Even though I could intellectually distinguish the fact that internal gong-fu is a distinct sort of kinesthetic art (as I've repeatedly written about in this blog), I could not fathom that a process that worked so well for me in many areas throughout my life, would not work here. I was stuck.
And so the lesson is... by becoming aware of your self-images that are generally functional in everyday life and by becoming aware of which of these self-images you "naturally" use in learning and practicing internal gong-fu, you may begin to identify how you are approaching your internal gong-fu practice. Knowing the self-image that you bring into practice, and more importantly, its underlying function, this insight may provide an understanding of the sort of results you are likely to achieve.
Is the approach you are applying to learning internal gong-fu congruent with the material to be learned?
Thursday, March 6, 2014
The End of the Road: Journal Notes #118
Notes from my January 2014 Zhan Zhuang Training Journal. I train with The School of Cultivation and Practice which practices Wujifa zhan zhuang.
*Question: I'm noticing movement under the skin just above my pubic bone. How do I expand or grow this feeling for side-to-side?
* (My instructor expressed,) It's so frustrating trying to teach Ph.D. level kinesthetics to students at a kindergarten level. I have to dumb it down and make it simple for you to get even a glimpse of what to aim for.
* Zhan zhuang is too complex an exercise to use as a method to learn how to feel into and relax muscles around the hip socket. A better set of exercises would involve removing every variable from the equation. For example, lay on the ground on your back, legs together and straight. Bending at the knees, slide your feet along the floor to where knees were. Move your feet laterally out to the side so they are about a meter apart. On inhale move knees apart. On exhale move knees together. The key to this exercise is to NOT move the pelvis AT ALL while moving the legs.
* Question: Soma-psychologists talk about sexual intercourse as being a way to free up or to release holding through the pelvis. Comparing someone who has regular sexual activity to someone who does not, is it correct to think that the person with regular sexual activity is more likely to develop internal gongfu skills whereas the person who does not, will not?
* Question: I've been experimenting with something and I'd like your thoughts. I lay on the floor on my back with a block of wood under each of my greater trochanters so that only my upper back and calves touch the ground. My core body weight is resting on my greater trochanters. My butt is suspended off the floor. My idea is that this method will help stretch the hip muscles to help get more "roll femur forward." What do you think?
* The theory is that muscle has vasculature and so it is easier and quicker to build muscle. However, fascia does not have vasculature. Fascia is a gelatanous, fiber-like material that takes time to re-pattern and build.
* Weight lifting shortens muscles and its surrounding fascia. Internal martial arts aim to lengthen the fascia and stretch the fascia. The two regimens are counterproductive to each other.
* Yoga stretches are only functional for internal martial arts to the extent that they target and stretch shortened fascial planes and not just stretch the muscles that are capable of stretching. If yoga stretches do not address the fascia that are chronically shortened, tight or stuck, then these stretches are not contributing to your practice.
* Try to get an individual muscle to contract and relax. Start with the bicep, then move on to the tricep and then apply what you've learned as you systematically go through your entire body. The amount of attention to do this practice is the amount of attention you need to apply to your zhan zhuang practice.
* If you can't feel an area, then try to tighten and relax that area. Isolate that area until you can feel into it. This may take some time.
* It takes a lot of focus over time to re-wire the brain to re-pattern your fascial system.
* If you need music while standing, this is OK if it helps you get started. But this is a distraction. It prevents full focus on your body. It's best to practice in silence. Later you can add distractions to further refine your focus.
* My instructor and I had a couple heart to heart talks this month about why I'm taking so long to progress. Why am I lagging behind others? Why do I withdraw when shown the door? We talked about my approach and how I continue to keep it mechanical. "Are you a scientist?" I think I'm trying to be. "Have you ever read about scientists?" No.
After a couple weeks of thinking about the "Are you a scientist?" question, I conclude that I'm not a scientist. Why not? This may be due to a trait I developed early on. Certainly the kinds of work I got into involved variations on the theme of learning the optimal or desired operation or outcome of something and anything less is a problem to troubleshoot and resolve. Applying this to my internal gong-fu practice, I've identified an optimal kinesthetic quality and I've tried a variety of approaches to troubleshoot and solve the problem in me to achieve this quality. Even though I've made progress, I realize now that this approach will not carry me to where I want to go. I've got to shift to something else. Stay tuned!
Further reading:
Introductory article explaining this "Journal Notes" series: Zhan Zhuang Training Journal
Previous article in this series: Trying vs. Trying Too Hard: Journal Notes #117
Next article in this series: Noticing vs Analyzing: Journal Notes #119
*Question: I'm noticing movement under the skin just above my pubic bone. How do I expand or grow this feeling for side-to-side?
Answer: First, get into stance and shift to the right side. (I get into zhan zhuang and then shift to my right. My instructor adjusts my structure while I'm on my right leg. My right quads fatigue in seconds and I physically cannot continue standing in this posture.)* Here's the Wujifa Side-to-Side video in case you haven't seen it. This video was produced in 2009 when practitioners were just beginning to learn this exercise.
Your zhan zhuang is not strong enough to do side-to-side. Side-to-side is not about moving to avoid pain. This exercise looks simple but it is very difficult to get the body to the place to do this deceptively simple movement correctly.
If you can't do single leg zhan zhuang correctly for an extended period of time, then you can't do side-to-side correctly. If you can't to side-to-side correctly, then you can't do Cloud Hands correctly. If you can't do Cloud Hands correctly, then you can't do any other stepping because side-to-side is the most basic, fundamental stepping; all other stepping is more complex than side-to-side.
What's the rule with side-to-side? It's to shift left-to-right while keeping your hips on a level plane as if sliding on a rod that goes through the pelvis.
If you have any tension, muscle bunching, scar tissue, fascial adhesions, that is, anything that creates any deviation in movement no matter how small or how subtle, then you are not correctly doing the side-to-side movement. You are aiming to achieve the following: When everything under the skin can move freely, that is, when nothing is stuck, then there will be no deviation of the external movement. This is the meaning of movement in(side) stillness.
Mike, when you do your side-to-side, you have a slight wobble and your hip raises slightly at the end and you're not relaxed/dropped fully into your leg. You're making improvement but you have stillness inside movement. Something is stuck inside causing external movement.You've only got about 30% femur roll forward of what you should have. Your back is still too tight. You need to keep working on this. Don't try to control the movement. Relax. Let go. The correct movement shows up naturally when you get the internals moving freely.
* (My instructor expressed,) It's so frustrating trying to teach Ph.D. level kinesthetics to students at a kindergarten level. I have to dumb it down and make it simple for you to get even a glimpse of what to aim for.
* Zhan zhuang is too complex an exercise to use as a method to learn how to feel into and relax muscles around the hip socket. A better set of exercises would involve removing every variable from the equation. For example, lay on the ground on your back, legs together and straight. Bending at the knees, slide your feet along the floor to where knees were. Move your feet laterally out to the side so they are about a meter apart. On inhale move knees apart. On exhale move knees together. The key to this exercise is to NOT move the pelvis AT ALL while moving the legs.
After doing this a few minutes I find that my pelvis moves. I cannot make it NOT move. Practice isolating movements. Focus on feeling into the hip sockets. How can you get the knees to move without any movement in the pelvis?* Question: How are my mini-breathing squats looking? (I demonstrate)
Answer: Better but still not consistent. You get some breaks going up and you're collapsing when coming down. Build the stretch on the way up and slowly relax the stretch on the way down. Feeling "the suit" is only one component. The purpose of mini-breathing squats is to feel and develop the horizontal kua movement.
* Question: Soma-psychologists talk about sexual intercourse as being a way to free up or to release holding through the pelvis. Comparing someone who has regular sexual activity to someone who does not, is it correct to think that the person with regular sexual activity is more likely to develop internal gongfu skills whereas the person who does not, will not?
Answer: People confuse "climax" with "orgasm". These two terms are not synonymous. It is incorrect to use these terms interchangeably. Look at Reich's definition of "orgasm". Simply having sex and climax will not help free or release the tension and holding in the pelvis. Achieving the orgastic vibration is an indication of the level of relaxation through the body in general and the pelvis in particular.
* Question: I've been experimenting with something and I'd like your thoughts. I lay on the floor on my back with a block of wood under each of my greater trochanters so that only my upper back and calves touch the ground. My core body weight is resting on my greater trochanters. My butt is suspended off the floor. My idea is that this method will help stretch the hip muscles to help get more "roll femur forward." What do you think?
Answer: I don't like it because you are using a localized mechanical approach to avoid feeling the whole body relaxing in stance.
* The theory is that muscle has vasculature and so it is easier and quicker to build muscle. However, fascia does not have vasculature. Fascia is a gelatanous, fiber-like material that takes time to re-pattern and build.
* Weight lifting shortens muscles and its surrounding fascia. Internal martial arts aim to lengthen the fascia and stretch the fascia. The two regimens are counterproductive to each other.
* Yoga stretches are only functional for internal martial arts to the extent that they target and stretch shortened fascial planes and not just stretch the muscles that are capable of stretching. If yoga stretches do not address the fascia that are chronically shortened, tight or stuck, then these stretches are not contributing to your practice.
* Try to get an individual muscle to contract and relax. Start with the bicep, then move on to the tricep and then apply what you've learned as you systematically go through your entire body. The amount of attention to do this practice is the amount of attention you need to apply to your zhan zhuang practice.
* If you can't feel an area, then try to tighten and relax that area. Isolate that area until you can feel into it. This may take some time.
* It takes a lot of focus over time to re-wire the brain to re-pattern your fascial system.
* If you need music while standing, this is OK if it helps you get started. But this is a distraction. It prevents full focus on your body. It's best to practice in silence. Later you can add distractions to further refine your focus.
* My instructor and I had a couple heart to heart talks this month about why I'm taking so long to progress. Why am I lagging behind others? Why do I withdraw when shown the door? We talked about my approach and how I continue to keep it mechanical. "Are you a scientist?" I think I'm trying to be. "Have you ever read about scientists?" No.
After a couple weeks of thinking about the "Are you a scientist?" question, I conclude that I'm not a scientist. Why not? This may be due to a trait I developed early on. Certainly the kinds of work I got into involved variations on the theme of learning the optimal or desired operation or outcome of something and anything less is a problem to troubleshoot and resolve. Applying this to my internal gong-fu practice, I've identified an optimal kinesthetic quality and I've tried a variety of approaches to troubleshoot and solve the problem in me to achieve this quality. Even though I've made progress, I realize now that this approach will not carry me to where I want to go. I've got to shift to something else. Stay tuned!
Further reading:
Introductory article explaining this "Journal Notes" series: Zhan Zhuang Training Journal
Previous article in this series: Trying vs. Trying Too Hard: Journal Notes #117
Next article in this series: Noticing vs Analyzing: Journal Notes #119
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Twenty Questions and Then Beginner's Mind
I received a thorough tongue lashing at a recent Wujifa class though it was delivered with the dryest of humor. My instructor's simple, one minute soliloquy delivered in private was a painfully instructive lesson on the ridiculousness of my approach to training. So why share this potentially embarrassing information? It is hugely instructive! And if I'm getting stuck here, maybe someone else is too. This is part of my journey.
It is easy to find many articles describing the characteristics and attributes of Zen Beginner's Mind. There are also many articles that provide tips and techniques on how to implement Beginner's Mind. Reading these, I easily became intoxicated in the knowledge of Beginner's Mind. I developed a belief and maybe even a little egotistic attitude that I approach my internal gongfu training with a Beginner's Mind. As it turns out, this was a trap.
The illusion presented by "the knowledge of" prevented me from knowing, from seeing "as it is".
Have you ever played the game "Twenty Questions"? If you haven't, it goes something like this. You have to guess what I'm thinking of but you only get twenty questions to figure it out. The questions should proceed deductively, incrementally narrowing the possibilities until you arrive at the answer.
While the Twenty Question game itself may only take several minutes or less, I have been playing this "game" for years in trying to figure out how to move internally. In the beginning, I didn't know I was playing this game. I thought I was approaching with a Beginner's Mind. And this is the trap. Here is how I remember my instructor's one minute soliloquy:
Me: Is it an animal?
Instructor: No.
Hmm. Is it an animal?
No.
Well, then it must be an animal.
No.
Really? It's not an animal?
No.
C'mon, you're kidding, right? It's an animal.
No.
Let's try this again. Is it an animal?
No.
Well, if it's not an animal, then... it must be an animal. Is it an animal?
No.
Hmm... You know, everything I read says it is an animal. Is it an animal?
No.
These other guys described it like an animal. It's gotta be an animal.
No.
Why am I having such a hard time figuring this out? All indications suggest it is an animal. Is it an animal?
No.
The other day I heard Mr. Famous Master describe it as being like an animal, so it's an animal, right?
No.
I don't know. I give up.
GOOD!
So it's not an animal?
No.
But...
No.
Maybe the first obstacle (to learning) is my inability to recognize the depth at which the ghosts in the attic and skeletons in the closet are informing, channeling, shaping, and directing my line of reasoning, questioning, and approach to my current practice. I thought I checked my coat at the door, but in fact, my underwear came in with me. (I didn't even think that I should check my underwear at the door too.) You understand the metaphor. There were some things I was consciously excluding from interfering with my "Beginner's Mind" (despite having so much knowledge about "X", I will keep an open mind), and there were some that I wasn't even aware were potently influencing my "Beginner's Mind" (I couldn't even begin to imagine what these might be). In the final analysis, I now see that these two are fundamentally one and the same; an insecurity about letting go to the level at which I want to work. I only let go of and to the level at which I don't feel threatened.
Maybe an indication of overcoming this obstacle is coming to the self-reflective realization that I've come to the end of my rope, that my implementation of my naive knowledge-understanding of "Beginner's Mind" is all wrong.
Thinking of Zen Beginner's Mind as a thing or a goal led me down one path - "it's an animal, right?". Maybe considering "Beginner's Mind" as a name of a process which involves constant evolving and developing will lead me down another path. Here's where I got this idea...
During the course of this class I was granted a unique opportunity to watch and compare two school brothers; one who has a more authentic Beginner's Mind and is making remarkable progress, and one who, like me, thinks he does, but in fact does not and is progressing slowly. I had not noticed this difference until it was pointed out to me! (Sure, I'd long recognized personality differences but I never recognized how "personality" influenced approach to learning; Beginner's Mind.)
But this first brother was not always like this. His "Beginners Mind" was stuck in one place for a long time too. As his Beginner's Mind changed and evolved, his practice progressed. Also in this class, the instructor pointed out to me how, in response to one suggestion, he was being resistant. "Huh?" And then he explained that his resistance showed up in the nuance of his choice of words, the inflection, the intonation, the emphasis, the feeling behind or driving his words. How subtle and yet how obvious! Once pointed out (to both of us), the recognition and acceptance opened yet another door for him and he progressed even more!
How amazing to witness! How hugely instructive!!! I've got a new model. Now, I need to step back, re-tool, have a change of heart, and follow a different model of Beginner's Mind.
And no, it's not an animal.
It is easy to find many articles describing the characteristics and attributes of Zen Beginner's Mind. There are also many articles that provide tips and techniques on how to implement Beginner's Mind. Reading these, I easily became intoxicated in the knowledge of Beginner's Mind. I developed a belief and maybe even a little egotistic attitude that I approach my internal gongfu training with a Beginner's Mind. As it turns out, this was a trap.
The illusion presented by "the knowledge of" prevented me from knowing, from seeing "as it is".
Have you ever played the game "Twenty Questions"? If you haven't, it goes something like this. You have to guess what I'm thinking of but you only get twenty questions to figure it out. The questions should proceed deductively, incrementally narrowing the possibilities until you arrive at the answer.
While the Twenty Question game itself may only take several minutes or less, I have been playing this "game" for years in trying to figure out how to move internally. In the beginning, I didn't know I was playing this game. I thought I was approaching with a Beginner's Mind. And this is the trap. Here is how I remember my instructor's one minute soliloquy:
Me: Is it an animal?
Instructor: No.
Hmm. Is it an animal?
No.
Well, then it must be an animal.
No.
Really? It's not an animal?
No.
C'mon, you're kidding, right? It's an animal.
No.
Let's try this again. Is it an animal?
No.
Well, if it's not an animal, then... it must be an animal. Is it an animal?
No.
Hmm... You know, everything I read says it is an animal. Is it an animal?
No.
These other guys described it like an animal. It's gotta be an animal.
No.
Why am I having such a hard time figuring this out? All indications suggest it is an animal. Is it an animal?
No.
The other day I heard Mr. Famous Master describe it as being like an animal, so it's an animal, right?
No.
I don't know. I give up.
GOOD!
So it's not an animal?
No.
But...
No.
Maybe the first obstacle (to learning) is my inability to recognize the depth at which the ghosts in the attic and skeletons in the closet are informing, channeling, shaping, and directing my line of reasoning, questioning, and approach to my current practice. I thought I checked my coat at the door, but in fact, my underwear came in with me. (I didn't even think that I should check my underwear at the door too.) You understand the metaphor. There were some things I was consciously excluding from interfering with my "Beginner's Mind" (despite having so much knowledge about "X", I will keep an open mind), and there were some that I wasn't even aware were potently influencing my "Beginner's Mind" (I couldn't even begin to imagine what these might be). In the final analysis, I now see that these two are fundamentally one and the same; an insecurity about letting go to the level at which I want to work. I only let go of and to the level at which I don't feel threatened.
Maybe an indication of overcoming this obstacle is coming to the self-reflective realization that I've come to the end of my rope, that my implementation of my naive knowledge-understanding of "Beginner's Mind" is all wrong.
Thinking of Zen Beginner's Mind as a thing or a goal led me down one path - "it's an animal, right?". Maybe considering "Beginner's Mind" as a name of a process which involves constant evolving and developing will lead me down another path. Here's where I got this idea...
During the course of this class I was granted a unique opportunity to watch and compare two school brothers; one who has a more authentic Beginner's Mind and is making remarkable progress, and one who, like me, thinks he does, but in fact does not and is progressing slowly. I had not noticed this difference until it was pointed out to me! (Sure, I'd long recognized personality differences but I never recognized how "personality" influenced approach to learning; Beginner's Mind.)
But this first brother was not always like this. His "Beginners Mind" was stuck in one place for a long time too. As his Beginner's Mind changed and evolved, his practice progressed. Also in this class, the instructor pointed out to me how, in response to one suggestion, he was being resistant. "Huh?" And then he explained that his resistance showed up in the nuance of his choice of words, the inflection, the intonation, the emphasis, the feeling behind or driving his words. How subtle and yet how obvious! Once pointed out (to both of us), the recognition and acceptance opened yet another door for him and he progressed even more!
How amazing to witness! How hugely instructive!!! I've got a new model. Now, I need to step back, re-tool, have a change of heart, and follow a different model of Beginner's Mind.
And no, it's not an animal.
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