Friday, March 25, 2011

My Journey to Feeling: Part 3

Feeling the ever increasing subtleties of kinesthetic feeling, the internal connectedness in Wujifa zhan zhuang also requires a journey into feeling the depth and breadth of emotional feeling.

If you haven't read My Journey to Feeling: Part 2 you may want to read that before continuing here.

* Non-articulated verbal responses (internal monologue) to an event is not a feeling. What is the feeling under this?

* The body is constantly taking in and processing stimuli. However, there is too much to analyze rationally so feeling provides a slice of reality, a compressed summary, a use-able message.

* Process is something like: Perception, Feeling, Response, Thought.

* Feeling can be influenced by beliefs and memory. A belief system can dampen feeling, for example, it's bad or wrong to express feelings of anger, lust, or whatever feeling...

* There are no good or bad, right or wrong feelings. Judgment is born of thought. Feeling is always pre-thought, pre-verbal.

* Fantasy keeps you "safe" in terms of, it acts like a pressure relief valve. Engaging in fantasy creates an internal event that fools the body and reduces the pressure. However, it does not promote a functional integration of feeling, thought and action.

* To the extent that you dampen one feeling is the extent to which you dampen all feeling. For example, dampen anger or sadness and you unwittingly dampen joy and compassion. If you dampen your ability to feel emotions, then you also dampen your ability to feel kinesthetically.
(Within the last month of this writing, I had an experience at Wujifa class which crystallized this for me. I'm thinking now that I've reached a plateau in what I can feel kinesthetically because I have the damper on feeling emotionally. I've got to work on developing my ability to feel emotionally to continue making progress feeling kinesthetically. Everything is connected!)
* Notice your rules governing expressing feelings.

* What are you afraid of? What are you avoiding? For me, right now, I'm afraid of and avoid emotionally charged conflicts. I avoid feeling overwhelmed by feeling.

* How do you dampen feeling? I load it into my shoulders - I feel my shoulders tensing and tingling. I give myself "heart-burn". I clench my jaw and grrrrr.
(Notice that these are all pre-verbal, pre-thought bodily responses to a feeling that were possibly developed in and shaped by earlier situations which over time may have become beliefs which now unconsciously control my kinesthetic reaction. Noticing a meta-process loop?)
* So... when a feeling arises, practice just "being" with the feeling. Try to not judge. Try to not dampen. Try to not express. Simply sit with the feeling. Notice and feel.

* Find a list of feeling or emotion words. Identify and distinguish your different feelings. Become familiar with your range of feelings.

* You can allow a fullness of feeling and choose to not act. Simply notice "Ah. This is how anger feels. This is how sadness feels. This is how lust feels. etc..." Sit with the feeling. Notice how the feeling feels as it moves through your body. Connect. What do you notice?

* Don't fall into the trap of "I think I should feel..." whatever in a given situation. Simply notice.

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